No. 6 || (Hot) Dog Days of Summer
This one's for all the glizzy-guzzlers, the (Loewe) tomato girls, the ice cream-inclined, the spritz sippers, and even for "Gen Zyn". It's SUMMER y'all we're talking summer thangz & maybe some smut.
Dear Readers & Cake Eaters,
Happy Summer! Happy 4th!
‘Tis the season for sticky fingers, ice cream for breakfast, mosquito spray in place of perfume, long days and even longer nights, “Strawberries & Cigarettes”, road trips, funny-looking tan lines, fleeting crushes, (sometimes) unrequited love, salty skin and even saltier snacks, and overall, just a grande ‘ole time.
Just to let you know, I’ll be hosting my very first ’s Meet-Up in San Francisco at one of my favorite haunts, Pie Punks this summer on Aug 1st. Roll-up (using the RSVP link) if you’re around or tell your SF friends if you feel so inclined. It will be an absolute pleasure to see you.
AND AS PROMISED - HERE IS MY FIRST JAB AT AN AUDIO VERSION OF THE NEWSLETTER!!! Please bear with me - I’m still battling a cold and am actually horrified at how much I say “okay”, “umm”, and click my tongue but I promise I’ll do better next time! Do let me know what you think!
And if you’re gonna read it the old-fashioned way, I hope you did your finger-scrolling exercises cause this one’s a doozy! Lolz
Now with that said, let’s dig in! xo
P.S. To everyone who DMs me food-related objects & collabs - I see you. Thank you. You’re my people. Please keep it coming! It gives me life to know you think of me when you see these things now. :) And, FYI on that note - I am totally open and up for collaborations of all kinds so please feel free to reach out if you have ideas!
THE CAKEWALK - WEEKLY SPECIALS MENU
Thursday, July 4th, 2024
Appetizers
For the month of July, Oatly has teamed up with a couple of fun local powerhouses in Paris to present us with a month long soft serve popup! For starters, a collab with one of my biggest influences, Toiletpaper Magazine - serving up a “Spaghetti Lover” olive oil soft serve topped w/ a strawberry & tomato sauce complete with a basil leaf for good measure. For the other item on the menu, you’ll find a “Kiss my Cigarette” vanilla soft serve complete with cookie crumbles and a vegan mint meringue cigarette resembling an ashtray made by superstar pastry chef and Cakewalk friend, Alina Prokopenko who whipped up a humble 14,000 meringue cigarettes for the occasion!
Switching out collabs and flavors on a weekly basis, the Oatly popup will be in Paris until August 4th. Next collabs include the behemoth Italian restaurant group - Big Mamma, dumpling and fry specialists Mao Corp, JaJaJa (taqueria), and finishing up with classic Oatly branded soft serve doubling up as a bike repair shop in collaboration with Le Peloton Cafe. (I’ve also been told that artisanal ice cream shop, Café Isaka was the mastermind behind a lot of the flavor crafting for this project. This makes sense seeing as they have some interesting ice cream flavors completely foreign to Paris in their shop such as tamarind, ube, soy sauce, etc.)
“See's Candies™ and McConnell's™ Fine Ice Creams Launching Four Limited-Time Ice Cream Flavors in Time for National Ice Cream Month” - I really don’t know what to say here except IYKYK!!! See’s Candies (to ME), is so emblematic of Californian heritage. While See’s is apparently available internationally (a few countries in Asia as well as Dubai, which is news to me), I still find it to be such a California-specific treat and experience and since McConnell’s is also a native Californian brand (founded in 1949), this Cali-oriented collab feels just that much sweeter for this Cali girl. With ice cream collabs popping up left and right as well as friends & fam indulging me in this adventure (more on this in the Desserts section), something tells me I’m gonna end up looking like HER by the end of this summer which, I’ll admit, is not necessarily a terrible thing.
7UP decidedly doesn’t only want to just cool you off anymore, they’re also interested in bringing the heat as they launch a new entirely vegan “BBQ range” this summer featuring a “Zesty Mayonnaise, a Zingy Hot Sauce, and a creamy ranch-style Tangy Salad Dressing”. What is up with the UK branches having all the saucy fun? I mean I’m thinking notably of the Heinz UK’s “Barbiecue” sauce as well as their latest concoction, the “Every Sauce” - a bastard child composed of 14 different sauces to make the one. FYI there are only 100 of these bad boys available and (UK) winners will be selected from a draw. Also piggybacking off of 7UP, I can’t help but flashback to last summer’s wild release - Mtn Dew’s Baja Blast Hot Sauce in which only 750 bottles were available. I totally forgot to shout this in the last issue but what you really need to know, is that you can get still get your hands on a bottle on eBay from anywhere between $99-$500. (higher price for bundle)
Ok while we’re on the subject of condiments, I’m going to pivot this convo into something that I’m sure we’re going to be seeing a lot more of in the future, “CONDIMENT COUTURE” and guess what. . .(to no one’s surprise) I’m SO here for it! As previously reported on in my 2nd newsletter, the Kate Spade x Heinz collab is officially here and boy, is it good. The ketchup clutch previously sold out on Saks Fifth Avenue’s website in less than 12 hours - I know because I’ve been stalking it like prey. So when I say this collection is flying off the shelves, believe me.
“Superfans asked and Cheez-It® answered. This summer, Cheez-It is taking the ultimate flavor-pairing to new heights with the first-ever Cheez-It x Hidden Valley® Ranch Crackers.” Piggy-backing off the supposed success of Hidden Valley Ranch's Cheezy Ranch Condiment & Dressing (whose conception was news to me), Cheez-It is keeping the hot streak of hot collabs. The collab crackers are hitting stores all over the US for a limited time in July so keep your eyes peeled! And speaking of a limited time, the Taco Bell x Cheez-It collab is only running until July 17th (or until supplies last).
Moet Hennessy owned (aka LVMH owned) bar, CRAVAN’s 2nd outpost in the 6eme arrondissement celebrated their 1 year anniversary last week while simultaneously introducing a new “Gift Shop” featuring take-home versions of some of their signature cocktails developed by founder, Frank Audoux and some of Moet Hennessy Group’s master distillers and blenders. In addition to classic recipes such as a Boulevardier or Negroni, you’ll also find a range of prestige cocktails in limited edition boxes sold exclusively on site. With a cocktail list that’s clearly crafted with incredible attention to detail as well as 4 floors (fully conceptualized by Belgian designer, Ramy Fischler) of aesthetically pleasing design to explore (the 2nd floor being the Rizzoli NY Library, and the 4th being a secret atelier that’s invitation only), I’d say you have your work cut out for you! *If you like a refreshing, savory drink - I’d get the Cambon under the “Long Drinks” section. It’s what I got, and I fell in love. The caper juice really makes it.*
Joe & The Juice teams with Australian tennis pro Nick Kyrgios for a new protein shake fittingly named, The Big Smash. “Inspired by the signature strawberries and cream dessert served at Wimbledon, the Big Smash is the perfect subtly sweet, fruity refresher after an intense workout. As an Australian native, Kyrgios wanted to pay homage to his home country with bursts of fruit-forward, tropical flavors, like fresh strawberries and creamy coconut.” You can go get served (lolz) at Joe & The Juice locations worldwide until October. I mean, don’t need much more convincing to get smashed in the name of Nick Krygios. . . - thanks for the intel Potion PR & congrats on the launch!
And before we move on to the next course, how about I leave you with a spooky story for the campfire? Except, this isn’t folklore or some tall tale (it might still leave you with some goosebumps though) - Cup Noodles has released their next limited edition flavor, “Campfire S’Mores” available exclusively at Walmart. (where else, lolz) Believe me, my threshold for weird is pretty high. . . but I think it’s still a hard pass on this one for me. How about you, any takers?
Main Course
My Hot Dog Came to Life and Screwed Me by Sky Corgan - yes, this is a real book you can read. Yes, you can buy it on Amazon for 99 cents. No, I haven’t read it. YET. Hahahaha how’s THAT for a main course topic? But bear with me here, as LOLz-inducing as the title, graphics, and even plot line itself are, we’re talking a very real (sub?)genre of reading material here.
“Raunchy, funny, and just plain wrong. My Hotdog Came to Life and Screwed Me is full of wiener puns and plenty of not-give-a-f**kery. Written for those who are looking for a laugh but also want to get their perv on. The name says it all.” - GoodReads
Are we as a society currently in our wildly fictional and highly improbable acid-trip-type-sexual-fantasy kind of smut reading era?! Well, if you ask The Cut who’s dedicated an entire section to the “Summer of Smut” with a piece specifically about this apparent love of eroticizing what should be inanimate objects - “The Best Smutty Love Interests Are … Sentient Objects?”, all roads lead to yes. With the help of BookTok, this category has certainly been gaining traction this past year and while I haven’t yet taken a dive into any of these books just yet, perhaps that’s what summer reading is gonna look like (for the love of research and writing of course! In all honesty, if there are food puns, I’m already 100% in). And honestly, if you’re only on this ride for nothing more than the book titles, covers, and small plot summaries alone, I promise you they’re worth it. Here’s some other titles to peak your interest (I’ve only picked out the food related/adjacent ones obviously but the entire genre is so large that my brain throbs lolz at the thought of trying to even begin to comprehend let alone make a dent in it):
The Deviled Egg Made Me Do It by Holly Wilde - “Shelby has been scrambling to get her life together for years. When things finally start to look bright, she decides a brunch with friends is the best way to celebrate this new chapter. But when a giant horned (and horny) egg crashes the party and tries to get her to let loose and have fun, will she be able to resist his devilish charm?”
Bagged by the Groceries! by Fannie Tucker- “When Ashley Dubois tossed the big fat cucumber in her shopping cart, she intended to put it in a salad, but the grocery monster had another place in mind!”
Caked by Holly Wilde - "I drop down on my knees and silently make a wish. 'I want to have my cake, and eat it too,' I whisper to the quiet room." Calling y’all cake eaters has all of a sudden taken on an entirely different meaning lolz.
Squeak by Vera Valentine - according to one Reddit user, this book is “about shifter balloon animals who cum funnel cake icing”.
Stuffed by the Were-Turkey by Tate McKirk - “Hold on to your cranberries, and watch out for spilled gravy! Josette is an animal rights activist that saves an ordinary turkey on Thanksgiving. But is there something more to the strange bird?” (Rest assured, I’m dying of laughter while reading and writing all of this - I mean come ON look at that captivating font and imagery)
But in all seriousness, in today’s depressing dating climate, it’s really no wonder why a lot of people (mostly women) are turning to smut/erotica/romance novels (whatever you want to call it). I mean, they’re certainly a safer space than any dating app or dating experience out there and also, who doesn’t want to escape from the crushing reality that is life and the world in its current state? Apparently Monster Smut is another subgenre gaining popularity but I find it to be a lot less surprising since society has long lusted after vampires, werewolves, etc. If you’ve read any books in this category of unconventional romance/smut/erotica (food related or not), shoot me a message, I’m super curious to hear from you! Safe space of course.
À La Carte
Y’all were 50/50 with the condensed collage vs. individual pics so I’ll just keep on doing me for a while!
Giant Hotdog Stool - I know, “say less!” but in terms of deco, more is more!
2. Loewe Strawberry Bag - FYI it’s 6000 EUR before you even think about it, lolz
Fruit Hairclaw Clips, Pins & Compacts from Coucou Suzette - some are on sale like the melon one!
Lobster Slides - I have the fish ones (no surprise there, lol - and quite comfy too!)
1. Ichendorf Milano Fruit Spoons - HERE for US. HERE for EU.
2. Vintage Strawberry Daquiri Glasses w/ Acrylic Strawberry Topped Stir Stick
3. Vintage Mini Bar Cocktail Picks - Cocktail Picks!! With their own mini bar!!!! I’m dead. Leave me here.
1. HAMBURGER COASTERS!!!
2. S’MORES COASTERS!!!
Both have a cork backing (which let’s be real, is supreme) and let’s just say, if the mini bar cocktail picks had me, then these have brought me back just to have me again.
(Not Just) Desserts
(roundups, reviews, recommendations, regrets, opinions, your “just desserts” for subscribing I suppose)
EATz - Tomato Trompe-L’œil Pastry by Alina Prokopenko for Carboni’s in Paris - This past weekend I had the pleasure of trying out this limited run dessert that consisted of pink peppercorn, vanilla ganache, tomato caramel, timut pepper praline, vanilla sponge, and a strawberry insert. I also was lucky enough to give a hug to the pastry queen and Cakewalk friend herself as Alina happened to be in the kitchen. You may also know Alina on IG as @a.pr.is. This 24 year old Ukrainian-now-turned-Parisian has been cooking up the wildest, tastiest, and most photogenic treats with residencies, pop-ups, and collabs all over Paris (also mentioned above for the Oatly x Toiletpaper Popup - she is KILLING IT) We’re already in the midst of cooking up something together for and I can’t wait to share it with subscribers once it’s ready. Follow her on IG for more updates on what she’s whipping up next, and for those in Paris who want a taste of the tomato, you’ve got until Friday July 5th (supposedly) to visit Carboni’s.
RESTAURANTz - Cendrillon - Paris, FR - “A normal French restaurant xox” except, as I hope you’ll soon find out for yourself, this restaurant is anything BUT that (in the best way of course). New kids on the block, Cendrillon (French for Cinderella) have opened for about 7 weeks now and their existence certainly contributes to making the Paris food scene a better place. I booked it for a friend visiting from London and myself on a Friday night and while I was already anticipating a good meal, what we got exceeded that in a big way. For starters let me just say that you can get almost anything on the menu with an additional bump of caviar for 10 EUR. We did not opt for that but we did order two frozen mango mezcalita(s), the cheesy shrimp toastada with nduja, the steak and lobster tamale served with caesar salad, and three of their “world famous los passagios pig sando”s. Well, to be clear we started with 2 (one each) and even though I was full, the glutton in me had to order a 3rd before the kitchen closed.
Here’s what one of the owners had to say when I asked him to describe the restaurant to me:
“To put the restaurant and kitchen into a box would be tricky. We just try to have fun with everything while still relying on bold big flavors all around. We use great produce but we don’t put it on a pedestal. Drawing inspiration from all over the world - places that we have traveled to and lived in and then [we] throw it on a bbq or in the smoker is how we go about it. And right now we just wanted to open a restaurant in Paris that you wouldn't find in the city - fun, interactive, rock ‘n’ roll, pirate-esque but with banging, high-end service as well.” - Mathias Degn Ovesen
Cendrillon was founded by 3 friends - childhood friends Omar Radejko & Harry Wilson, and Mathias Degn Ovesen (previously chef at Au Passage, Noma, & others). They are open Wednesdays-Mondays (hours vary depending on the day). Reservations can be made HERE.
*Everything you see here is my very own unadulterated opinion. If and when the day comes that there is any paid collaboration or affiliation, rest assured that information will be disclosed to you. **Also I KNOW I keep teasing a Paris guide and I promise I’m working on it, your girl’s a one woman show trying to crank it all out! Consider these little highlights a preview of what’s to come! :)
READz - Friends of The Cakewalk, Cake Zine’s newest issue is now available for order and they’ve already started to ship ‘em out!
“Candy Land is
's summer exploration of candy's ties to the natural (and unnatural) world, from a flavor scientist's perspective on our artificial blue raspberry cravings to a recipe for a tiramisu take on the '90s classic dirt n' worms. It's a multidisciplinary sugar rush that will forever change your view on the candy aisle.” -There you have it folks, straight from our fellow cake eater and Cake Zine co-founder's mouth! You know I’m already giddy to get my hands on this next issue!
REGRETz - A Vintage Timmy Woods Tomato Purse (right, not left which is $839.99) Before the Loewe (Jonathan Anderson) tomato purse, there was Beverly Hills designer, Timmy Woods who started designing in 1985. As I was perusing the interwebz for tomato things (as one does) I came across a vintage wooden tomato purse by Timmy Woods. Classic story of trying to be a good girl and not impulsively shop even though the price was right (like maybe $90). Well, I published my Tomato Girl Summer issue which already got me rethinking the bag and enter the “Loewe Tomato” meme, and consequently Jonathan Anderson’s version. This was the moment I knew I had to have it. Obviously I wasn’t the only one thinking this and it was sold by the time I got to it. The moral of this story is make those impulse purchases. Sometimes. Okay, maybe not. But also maybe yes. I hope she went to a good home.
REVIEWz - I am one LUCKY girl! One of my close friends, Anzor came to visit from London for the weekend and naturally, I HAD to ask if he would consider bringing me a couple of pints from the Anya Hindmarch Ice Cream Project popup that I’ve painstakingly missed for 3 years now. (Also, I didn’t really think he’d actually take me up on this because believe it or not, I do recognize how wild of an ask it is lolz) Well, ask and thou shall receive, my friends. He brought me not 1, not 2, but 6 PINTS. All nicely packed in a little insulated bag with a couple of cooler packs and by the the time he made it to Paris, let me tell you, the pints were still solid. So without further ado, let me give you the full flavor breakdown and my feedback on it that no one asked for in the order that I tried them!
Kikkoman Soy Sauce - hands down my favorite flavor of the bunch. A properly creamy toasted sesame ice cream that’s very light beige in color and has the perfect balance of umami. There’s no mistaking that it’s soy sauce but it’s so well balanced and executed. I could see myself wolfing down pint after pint of this honestly. More flavors like this!
Perelló Gordal Picante (Spicy Green Olives) - I had the highest hopes for this one. Spicy? Briny? Olive-y? Where could one go wrong? Well…it was surprisingly bland. I was waiting for a tart/briny flavor punch but it never came. It’s just very mildly creamy tasting and doesn’t tip the scale in either direction. I thought that the olive slices in it would at least bring out a bit more flavor, but not so much. I’m dreaming about an olive ice cream now.
Sarson’s Malt & Vinegar - my second favorite of the bunch. They did the “malt & vinegar” title justice because it was just the right amount of tart that makes you slightly pucker (in the best way) that you would expect from something claiming to be this flavor. A strawberry sorbet that’s married nicely to the malt vinegar, this one was refreshing on the palate, and something I’d happily have to cool off on hot summer days. Would be great as a spiked slushie drink too.
Maldon Salt - this one was perfect, if not a bit too easy. Dark chocolate sorbet balanced out with Maldon salt. I personally would have wanted something a bit more edgy and out there but I suppose you have to have a couple of crowd pleasers for the non-daring. A solid choice nevertheless, a sure thing.
Branston Piccalilli - WOOF! I’ll admit that I’m not personally a fan of Piccalilli sauce as it is (click if you’re unfamiliar with it), but I was ready to be surprised. Well, I was surprised alright but not in a pleasant way. This one was a creamy, canary yellow that hits you straight on with the mustard flavor. While it took a second for my palate to adjust, I wasn’t mad at that, if anything it was kind of nice in a peculiar way. What slapped me in the face was the lingering aftertaste of onion (I think). Not what I was prepared for during my 11am self-imposed ice cream tasting. I could see it working as an appetizer at some experimental restaurant being served as a sort of spread with warm bread maybe but otherwise, it’s gonna be a no from me, dawg.
Tiptree Orange Marmalade - nothing to see here. A syrupy sweet ice cream that’s too sweet to eat by itself. I could see it on top of some french toast perhaps?
The only other one that I would have really loved to try is the Filippo Berio Pesto but apparently they were sold out. Their website says it’s “blended with the nutty, fragrant flavor of classic pesto, produced in Liguria ‘The Home of Pesto’ with Italian basil”. All in all, I’m thrilled to have been able to try some of these flavors for myself so luckily, another case of FOMO has been laid to rest. Let me know if any of you manage to make it over to the popup - you have until August 18th! And thank you again, Anzor. It’s gonna be hard for anyone to top this, lolz.
Digestif
All hail Miss Sausage Queen of 1955 (left) and the Frankfurter Queen of 1956 (right). We are not worthy.
Honorable mentions go to the Blueberry Queen of 1955 (left) & the NYC Donut Queen of 1957 (right). To peep the rest of these fetching pageant queens, click HERE.
And in case you need to quench your thirst after reading through this issue, how about a nice and refreshing Glizzy Latte?!
FIN.
My next issue is already cooking but in the meantime, please don’t hesitate to share this page with anyone you think might like this sort of content. After all, my newsletter can only feed its subscribers if they’re hungry. :)
And lastly, your feedback also means the world! Please feel free to comment below, or email me at thecakewalk@substack.com. xoxo
I wanted to buy everything and then eat everything, and there was so much of it that there is no way I can recall it all for this comment haha. Epic. Saddened to see that the Stelle McCartney purse is not fully 3D (and, like, €600. lol)
the coqadoq/cote restos in nyc do a soy-sauce topped- soft serve, which turned out to be delicious, so im not surprised that that was the best anya flavor! always pining for them so i appreciate the review